Modeling for your Health
Cats Are Hard
News for August
A Controversial Creature, part 1
Puss in Wingtipsby Shannon Wolff
Not so long ago, in an office building not so far away, young Sonny Miller toiled away in the mail room, lamenting his fate as he sorted through the mail of the important office above.
"What am I going to do now?" The hapless young Miller sighed as he continued his chore. "I'd hoped to have some small inheritance from my great uncle, perhaps then I could pay for a few night courses to better my situation. But, alas, he only saw fit to leave me his cat."
Sighing heavily Sonny tuned to look at the animal in question, which he had smuggled into work with him. A sleek, yet ordinary enough looking, gray tabby with curious eyes met his gaze and gave a flick of his tail.
"You'll make a good enough pet, I suppose." Sonny sighed again and forced a week smile as he eyed his feline inheritance. "Though, aside from companionship, I really don't know what you can do for me, Puss. With my lack luster luck, we'll both starve."
"Fear not young master." Puss replied as he reassuringly patted Sonny's hand with his paw. "As you may now suspect, I am no ordinary cat. Give me but a pair of wingtip shoes and a briefcase to fit my paws and I shall make your fortune for you."
Ordinarily, one would think suddenly hearing a cat speak would send our young Miller running in confusion. Yet, something in Puss's voice set Sonny's mind at ease and he provided the wingtips and briefcase the cat so politely requested. Though, where he found wingtips to fit Puss's paws one can only wonder.
Now feeling very smartly dressed in deed, Puss once again accompanied his young master to work. Only this time, while our young Miller toiled in the mail room, Puss boldly strolled up to the elevator and rode it to the top floor. The very floor on which the CEO of the company had his office.
Silently, Puss slipped into a conference room and carefully listened as the CEO and board of directors talked about which course the company should take in the future. Puss listened to them all, but he paid close attention to what the CEO himself said and, while the CEO and board of directors broke for lunch, Puss wrote up a clever business proposal and slipped it neatly into his little briefcase.
After the CEO had returned from lunch and retired to his office for the afternoon, Puss ambled up to the secretary and politely asked for an audience. As Puss asked with such charm and sincerity, the secretary could hardly say no and showed Puss right in.
"Please pardon this intrusion, sir." Puss began as he approached the man behind the desk. "But I have been sent to present this proposal from the Head of the Carabas Division." Puss continued, secretly smiling to himself over the impressive title he'd thought to give his mail room master. "He whole heartedly regrets that he is unable to present this to you in person, but has sent me with a proposal he believes you will find most interesting."
The CEO took Puss's proposal and thought the Head of the Carabas Division most clever indeed, for Puss did fine work. All the while never letting on that he was entirely unaware his company had a Carabas Division. Of course, no one was aware of this fact for Puss had made it up when he entered the CEO's office, but as no one wished to appear ill-informed before the CEO no one said anything.
The next day, Puss again accompanied young Miller to work and again rode the elevator to the top floor while Sonny carried out his tasks in the mail room. Only this time, Puss didn't slip into the conference room. Instead, he ambled into the kitchen where two secretaries stood by the water cooler talking.
"I honestly don't know what to do anymore," lamented one with a sigh. "I've tried everything I can think of to find those data list, everyone has, and I simply cannot find them."
"Don't get me started." Muttered the other in a disgruntle huff. "It's like they were swallowed up by thin air. From what I heard, they were just sitting on Johnson's desk and then, poof, they were gone. Nothing there but the breeze coming through the window."
As the secretaries began talking about other matters, Puss wandered over to Johnson's office and, as Johnson was elsewhere, boldly leapt onto the desk and began investigating the window. Before long Puss notice a pigeon nest on the ledge and ventured out for a closer look. It wasn't long before he noticed the missing data sheets wedged behind the nest. Carefully, he took the sheets from the nest and tucked them into his briefcase. Then when straight to the CEO's office and asked to be let in much as he had before.
"Pardon this intrusion once more, good sir." Puss began as he took the data sheets from the briefcase. "But the Head of the Carabas Division found these and would like them to go to you. Regrettably, managing his division has left him with no time in which to bring them to you himself, so he asked me to deliver them and extend his apologies."
The CEO graciously accepted both the missing data sheets and the extended apology from the head of the fictions division. All the while, never betraying that he didn't have the faintest notion who the mysterious Head of the Carabas Division was.
On this went for weeks, Puss would accompany young Sonny Miller to work then ride the elevator to the top floor where he could continue to wow the CEO on behalf of the Head of the Carabas Division. It wasn't long before the CEO, the board of directors, and everyone else on the floor thought the Head of the Carabas Division had quite the head for business and was clever, kind, and industrious to boot.
One day, the CEO's daughter came for a tour of the building and Puss saw his chance to make good on his promise to his young master. Quicker then a wink, he road the elevator back down to the mail room and told young Sonny Miller all that he'd done.
"Do exactly as I say and your fortune is made," Puss advised as he lead his bewildered young master to the elevator and pressed the button for the forty-eighth floor.
No sooner did they arrive than Puss hurried Sonny into one of the small bathrooms equipped with a shower for when the employs worked late and wished to bathe before returning home.
"Now, take off your clothes and get into the shower." Puss instructed as he looked out a small crack in the door to see if the CEO and his daughter were near. "Turn on the water just long enough to get wet, but have it off when I return." He added as he gathered up his master's clothes and hastily shoved them into the trash can.
Sonny did as he was told while Puss rushed out the door and waited by the elevator for the CEO to arrive. It wasn't long before the man in question arrived with his daughter and a few members of the board of directors in tow.
"Sir, you might want to save this floor for another time." Puss began as he tried to appear flustered.
"Oh, and why is that, Puss?" The CEO asked and raised a questioning eyebrow.
"Well, it's a little embarrassing really. The Head of the Carabas Division came in early to get a jump start on another proposal. But when he heard you were escorting your daughter through the building, he wanted to clean up a little so as not to appear slobish. And while he was taking a brief shower, someone slipped into the bathroom and stole his clothes. I went to get his spare suit for him, but, alas, that is at the cleaners today."
The CEO admired the Head of the Carabas Division's commitment to the company and sent one of the board of the directors to his office to get his spare suit to loan to the fictional division head. And all agreed that Sonny looked most becoming and business like in the borrowed suit. The CEO's daughter especially found him fetching.
Soon as Sonny was dressed the CEO asked him to accompany him on a tour of his division, an invitation Sonny dared not refuse, while puss ran on ahead of the group. Humming merrily to himself as his plan came together before his eyes.
Before long, Puss came upon an office where many people hurried about busily, each clearly having a task to perform. Puss wasted no time, but leapt to the highest point he could find and cleared his throat to command the attention of the room.
"Attention!" Puss called at the top of his cat voice. "In a minute the CEO will walk through here, when he asks you what division this is you must reply 'The Carabas Division' If you don't you will be fired." And then he leapt down and continued on his way.
The people in the office each needed their job, so when the CEO asked what division this was all obediently replied "The Carabas Division" And the CEO congratulated Sonny for having such motivated workers.
Meanwhile, Puss came upon a neat orderly copy room where several employees busied themselves copying and collating documents. Once again puss commanded their attention and informed them that if they did not tell the CEO that this was "The Carabas Division" they would all be looking for new jobs. As these people needed their jobs as much as the last, they to obeyed the cat and informed the CEO that they worked in "The Carabas Division"
Puss then came to a spacious tastefully decorated office in which a man inspected his teeth in a small hand mirror. This was the real head of the division the CEO and his party had been torturing. A cold, hard-hearted man who frequently forced his employees to work unpaid overtime, took lunches with other people's names on them from the office fridge, and delighted in finding ways to garnish his subordinates' meager wages.
"Excuse me Sir." Puss began in a silk-smooth purr. "Aren't you the division head waiting for a reply from another company?"
"Yes," sneered the division head, looking down his nose at the cat. "Exactly what business is that of yours?"
"I took a message for you from them. They have a promotion and a plush corner office waiting for you, but they will only take you if you quit this job and once and head over there right away."
The foolish and cold-hearted man instantly believed the gray tabby cat and rushed out of his office at once, all but running over the CEO in the process. Of course, the CEO had no idea who the man was, but after hearing exactly what he thought of the company, the way the CEO ran it, and a few crude remarks about the other man's mother, rest assured he won't soon forget.
No sooner did the foolish man bound out of sight, much to the relief of his former employees, did Puss swing open the office door and declare the office to belong to the Head of the Carabas Division.
Not long after, young Sonny Miller became a recognizable face around the office, with Puss by his side as his trusty advisor and right hand cat. His face became a familiar one around the CEO's dinner table as well when he began to court the CEO's daughter. Many years later, when the CEO decided to retire, he gladly turned the company over to his son-in-law, now Sonny Miller CEO, and his trusty right hand cat, the now famous Puss in Wingtips.
Shannon Wolff was born in Alaska and grew up in a little town called North Pole. This fact has lead every one of her relatives not familiar with Alaska, and complete strangers, to ask if she knows Santa Claus. She now resides in Cartersville, Georgia and is having mixed results with informing her new neighbors about her previous residence.
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